The Struggle

Right now I am in a battle.

God has me in a place where I am single and the option of doing a lot of different things is possible. Three things keep whirling around in my head, the idea of being a church planter/pastor (scary enough in Vidor), missionary to Central America with Living Water or an organization like them, and working in the business world. Any of these things I would love to do, so how do I choose and is God leading me towards one more than the other two? Right now I have no clue.

There is a deep desire to be a pastor, to lead a church, speak truth to a community, and examine Scripture. My fear of being a pastor is the pride that would well up inside of me. That people would think that I am an amazing speaker, and my focus would be taken off Jesus and on to myself. I have had a lot of pride in my life and it is always something that I have to be careful of. But we are all sinners and God uses sinners,and through His power I can get over myself and fall at His feet. Scripture tells us that pastors are held to a higher standard seeing that they are over a group of people (James 3:1), that excites me and challenges me. I want that.

I have always had a passion for Central America, most likely because I grew up going down there and the mission trips I have been on were there. Their culture astounds me, they know what true community is, plus it is just way warmer down there. That is just an extra seeing that I get cold at anything lower than 70 degrees. Most of my reasons for going down there are more for myself, such as I want to live on less and have less things (I could do that here it is just easier down there), I want to learn Spanish (also could do that here), and just want to be in a different cultural. See not very good reasons, but I would love to work side by side with them to bring fresh water to areas that don't have it while bringing the Gospel to villages who don't know it or have a false gospel.

The corporate world needs Jesus as well, and working a job is an awesome opportunity to be a light to an area who sees money and promotion as god. I have already had great conversations with guys I work with about Christ. I definitely see the need for believers in the world of business, but I am not sure if that is where I am suppose to be. Though for now I am there and I need to stay focused on preserving and proclaiming the Gospel.

In the end I just want to be used by God where ever He has me and I want to be satisfied with Him and do all that I can to honor Him. I continually am seeking God's direction through prayer, while trying not to miss out on opportunities that present them self now. All in all Christ needs to be my focus.